You are stooping lower than a snakes belly” said Bob. “We had take turns dragging Dave around the last 13 holes”. 6. A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked an interesting question… He suggests that they play against each other for the rest of the day and she agrees. The man who takes up golf to get his mind off his work soon takes up work to get his mind off golf. ———- “I doubt it,” replied the caddie, dead-pan. While he doesn’t hit it too far, his drives are straight and his chipping gets pretty close to the pin. Sponsored Links ∇ Amusing Things You Will Never Hear a Woman … Funny Golf Jokes for Women Read More » Bob Hope Golf Swindler Mr Angry – Golfing Golfing Priest Golf – Below Par? The golf pro says, "Yes, they are just $1.00 each. " The threesome were curious what was going on. Bob and John are having a round of golf. Once again the woman wins, and she shows her appreciation in the same way on the journey home. “I doubt it” the caddie replies. Bob is not feeling confident at all, so gets out one of his old balls. So the man pulls over and, to his delight, the woman performs oral sex on him. Great Golf One-liners Classic Golf Joke Funny Golf Stories Golfing Quotes Top 10 Golf Caddy Comments Great Golf One-liners: … Clean Golf jokes. “What do you mean? Brand new golf balls are attracted to water, and the power of the attraction is in direct proportion to how much the balls cost. Things You Won’t Hear Women Say About Golf Ladies Foursome Helpful Guide to Female Golfing Terms The Lady’s Tee Ladies Tea Women Golf Jokes! If you work at it, it’s golf. A man takes a week off work and decides to play a round of golf every day. “Bob”, says John “Come help me find my ball. In case they get a hole in one. “You see, I’m a transvestite.” The man is aghast. It was a four ball, better ball format with a little bit of cash on the line. Bob is having a round of golf with his caddie. The old man says “What? Over 150 Unique, Funny Golf Jokes. -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. Here are the top dirty jokes – adults only for these. Here are the top dirty jokes – adults only for these. “Well” says Bob, “I had to toss it 20 times”. It is one of the worst rounds Bob has had in his life losing 5 balls and shooting 20 over par in the first nine holes. This goes on all week, until Friday, when the man reveals he has booked dinner at a restaurant and a night of passion in a hotel. Carl not to be outdone, accepts the challenge, and pulls out his 8 iron. Enjoy these funny golf jokes and puns. Bob is setting up to putt on the 9th green when a funeral procession approaches and drives by. He tells the golf pro behind the counter that he wants to do 18 and he is going to need a caddy. So, he drives his new Mercedes into a petrol station on the edge of a small village. In case he gets a hole in one. “Dirty” Sayings in Golf. Bob, expressing disappointment at his dear friend “after all the time we’ve been friends and playing golf together, you would cheat for a couple of dollars”. Golf Jokes Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot. Dirty Golf Jokes For 2020 – Adults only for these! Afterwards, she accepts the man’s offer of a lift home and, on the way, admits she hasn’t enjoyed herself so much for a long time. Quick round. Bob is teeing up on the 4th – A par 4 with a water feature for the first 100 yards. “As I went towards the ball, a squirrel came along, grabbed the ball and started to carry it further into the woods”. “That would be way too much of a coincidence.”. 3. Carl ponders how to handle it when the old man says “When I was your age, I would hit it straight over that tree and onto the green”. "Golf is my profession. He pulls out his 4 Iron and says to his caddie “do you think I can make it from here with a 4 iron”. A golfer has one advantage over a fisherman. After the first 5 holes, the old man is doing pretty well and scoring the same as Carl. Hilarious & Naughty Smart Wife Joke: Present For Husband. A threesome were getting ready to tee off on the 10th when they notice a single player, running up the fairway, taking a shot almost immediately to then run up to the green for a 3 putt to put it in. 34. My golf game is a lot like masturbating – I enjoy it a lot, but it’s not pretty to watch. First thing Monday morning, he sets off and soon finds himself catching up with a stunning woman playing in front of him. Today, they called it golf. A golfer was having a terrible round – 20-over par for the front nine with scores of balls lost in water or rough. Enjoy reading our daily joke of the day. If you like dirty jokes, here’s the best dirty golf jokes I’ve come across. These funny golf jokes are clean and suitable for all ages. When he arrives, there is an old man preparing to tee off. Irish Golf Jokes. As they get to the 12th, scores are locked. 4. “Sorry” says Bob. Hilarious Dirty Golf Joke Of The Day: Man Takes A Week Off Work A man takes a week off work and decides to play a round of golf every day. If you watch a game, it’s fun. “Take a practice swing”. The ones included here are longer jokes, more of the "story" kind of golf joke. The pump attendant who knows absolutely nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. 3. After the funeral procession passes, John says “Gee, that was a very nice thing to do Bob”. Bob turns up 10 minutes late for tee off. Apr 23, 2017 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. Damn, my shaft's all bent. The World’s Greatest Golf Jokes The Montana State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising golfers to take extra precautions, and be on the alert for bears while playing on Gallatin, Helena, and Lewis and Clark National Forest’s golf courses. “Great” says the man. When the first lady tees off, she hits it better than ever and sends it straight toward a group of three men. (Longer jokes and story-style jokes can be found on our Golf Jokes section, and you can also check out a collection of Tiger Woods jokes.) I was married to her for 40 years”. As he is teeing up, he hears a voice in the back of his head. I’ll look over here beside the Oak trees and you look over there.”, After 10 minutes of searching through the scrub, John is getting frustrated, looks over his shoulder to see if Bob is looking then drops a new ball into the rough. Guaranteed to get some laughs – these are my pick for the best clean jokes suitable for all ages. 1. What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? “Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad.” “Four old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf. “Well” Said the Pro, “I teed up on the first hole. Bob and John, lifelong friends and golf buddies are having a round and decide today to put a $10 wager on the round. As he approached the threesome, he said “Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. “Forgive me mother superior for I have sinned” said mother Claire. As they get to the 6th hole, Carl prepares to take his second shot. The golf pro opens the register, puts the dollar in the tray and with a big smile hands the guy a quarter. “You’re on” said the pro. He is a pretty good golfer, but she only just started. Paul – a 15 handicapper challenges the club pro shooting off scratch to a round of golf. More jokes about: black humor, golf, money, teen Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf ball. ———-Your golf game is so bad, you had to re grip your ball retriever ———-You should always try before you buy, especially when buying a putter. Bob looks around, thinks for a minute then decides to go with his inner voice. Amazon, the Amazon logo, are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. Got a friend who needs a laugh? Immediately Bob snaps around and says “You have to be the worst caddie on Earth”. Paul said to the pro “lets have a round, the winner gets $50 but as you’re a much better golfer than me, you have to let me have two Surprises on the course. Golf Jokes. “I don’t understand” says John, “my ball was sitting right here beside the fallen log”. Simple Clean Joke Of The Day: Two Lawyer Friends Playing Golf, HR Manager V/S St. Peter: Hilarious Office Recruitment Joke, Hilarious Best Pregnancy Humor Joke: Woman V/S Gynecologist, Dirty Mind Joke: Boyfriend Asks Girlfriend To Play Weeweechu, Joke Of The Day: A Smart Woman and A Lawyer, Hilarious Old Age Widows Naughty Joke: Senior Dating Advice, Naughty Humor Joke Of The Day: Beautiful Woman On Aeroplane, Hilarious All Time Best Women Joke: New Husband Store, Hilarious Marriage Joke: Wife V/S Best Husband In The World, Hilarious Comedy Joke Of The Day: Lady V/S Gentleman In Bus, Naughty Joke: Married Woman’s Ultimate Fantasy In 3 Words. Please Share Us! golf joke 4 James and his friend Tom were playing a round of golf with their wives early on a Sunday. Dirty Cart. Bob stops, stands up straight, lowers his head and lowers his hat as the procession passes. "Top of the mornin' to yer, sir," says the attendant. A little confused by what was occurring, he takes a small step back and has a couple of practice swings. While on a golf tour in Ireland, Rory McIlroy was driving through some remote countryside when he realizes he needs petrol. Apart from golf jokes, here are some of the wonderful and funny golf stories for you. Bob, expressing disappointment at his dear friend “after all the time we’ve been friends and playing golf together, you would cheat for a couple of dollars”. Animal Jokes Blonde Jokes Golf Jokes Job Jokes . A guy will actually search for a golf ball. The pro had no idea what the surprises were but since he only had two of them, he figured it was a fair bet. If a bird sh*ts on your golf cart, don’t ever take her golfing again. “But my thumb still hurts like Hell!”. “Terrible” replied Bob “Dave had a heart attack on the 5th hole”. By that point, I’d had enough so I turned around and said “Can the a$%hole on the megaphone shut up so I can take my second shot”. Nuts....my shaft is bent. First thing Monday morning, he sets off and soon finds himself catching up with a stunning woman playing in front of him. More jokes about: fish, golf, sport A golfer walks into the clubhouse of the local country club. #10 – 6. Golf is a lot like taxes: You go for the green and wind up in the hole. 10 Funniest Golf Jokes A classic: Why do golfers always carry a spare pair of trousers with them? She very carefully undoes his pants, puts her hands in his underwear and gently massages his privates. You know it's too wet to play golf when your cart capsizes. Bob gets home from a round of golf and his wife asks him “Honey, how was the round of golf today”. He suggests that they play against each other for the rest of the day and she agrees. “No” said mother Claire. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. Read the latest and best funny jokes that will make you laugh for a long time. A lady is setting off to have a round of golf after a series of lessons with the club pro. As he’s setting his stance ready to hit off, again he hears the voice. He waits for a few seconds then again he hears the voice. 2. “You won’t be able to keep your head down long enough”. What should you do if your round of golf is interrupted by a lightning storm? Perfect if you like playing or watching golf. William Wordsworth Hold My Clubs Will and Guy’s Top 10 Golf Caddy Jokes Ten Golfing Trivia and Interesting Fun Facts Golf One Liners Ten True and Funny Golfing Sayings Sponsored Links ∇ Hold My Clubs! Pick Up Lines Vegan Jokes 2020 Jokes Name Jokes. – William Wordsworth. “You’ve been playing off the ladies’ tees all week.”. Bob tees off first and knocks one straight down the fairway. Hilarious Joke: A Woman Joins A Country Club And Played Golf, Joke Of The Day: A Man Takes The Day Off Work, Naughty Joke: The Girl's Round of Golf Just Went Awry, Hilarious Dirty Bar Joke Of The Day: Smart Guy V/S Old Drunkard, Hilarious Dirty Joke Of The Day: 2 Women Were Playing Golf, Hilarious Stupid Sexy Joke: Doctor's Good Decent Assistant, Hilarious Comedy Joke Of The Day: Woman v/s Umbrella Thief. Bob replied, “I felt like it was the right thing to do. Will and Guy’s Top 10 Golf Caddy Jokes Golfer: … Funny Golf Cartoons and Golfing Trivia Read More » Golfpranks.com is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. The guy gives the golf pro a dollar and says he'll take one. They approach the pro to ask how Paul had beaten him. Golf is an easy game… it's just hard to play. I’ll be adding, other short golf jokes over the coming months so if you like the style of humor below, there’ll be more coming soon. Look at the size of his putter. Stand with your back turned and drop it. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. 7. Funny golfing short stories | Golf one-liners Read More » “What caused you to do that” said mother superior, “Well” said mother Claire “I was teeing off on the 5th hole, Par 3, when I sliced it sending it into the trees”, “Is that when you swore” said mother superior, “No” said mother Claire. "Your trouble is that you're not addressing the ball correctly." As he squares up to drive down the 10th needing only to hit 100 yards to clear the water, the caddie lets out a small cough in Bob’s backswing. He swerves violently off the road, and pulls the car to a screeching halt. We left that an hour ago. Or if you are looking for a shorter joke – Here’s my selection of golfing one liners. Both Nuns were quiet for a few moments then Mother superior sighed and said “you missed the F@$king putt didn’t you”. “I used the most terrible language on the golf course yesterday”. Grizzly bear droppings have small bells, golf-gloves, sunglasses, and other similar golf items in them and they usually smell like pepper spray. John steps up, slices and hears the wooden thuds as it bounces around in the tree line. A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents' luck. Which is the easiest golf … See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. Ready to Yuk It Up? "Yeah, well I've been polite to the bloody thing for long enough." They arrange to play golf again the next morning. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." “I hit on the edge of the woods and landed in the rough at the base of the tree”, “No” said mother Claire. The lady rushes over “I’m terribly sorry, I’ve never hit it that far before” she says. “Sure” says Carl so they tee off. “Why don’t you pull over so I can show you how much I appreciate it.”. Golf Jokes and Puns. Bob tops the ball and it goes straight into the water. Long ago when women cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. "Don't you have at least one other golf … Keep your head down and spread your legs a little more ; My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Bob is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Caddie. As the eagle flew over the green, the squirrel dropped the ball where it hit a rock, bounced over a sand trap then landed 4 inches from the hole”. A selection of one liner golf jokes is available here if that is more your style of humor. Hilarious Dirty Husband Wife Joke Of The Day: Beard Love? After 18 holes I can barely walk. 2. We’re closed. Bob feeling pretty good, steps forward to tee off. Back to: Sports Jokes. “I am a sports physio therapist though – can I give you a gentle massage to help with the pain.”. “Bob Wait”, it says. “Because it’s Sunday I have to toss a coin to see if I go to Church or Golf for the day.”, “Fair enough” says Alan, “Why are you so late then”. On to the Golf Puns and One-Liners . 35. Golf With Lighting Storm Joke. Hilarious Dirty Party Joke Of The Day: Bad Night Game Who Am I? “Could the man at the women’s tee please take your shot from the men’s tee”. I’ll use the first surprise on the first hole”. What better way to lighten the mood on the course after a few bad holes then to let rip with a few funny golf jokes. Two ladies are having a round of golf. 9. If you play at it, it’s recreation. He doesn't have to produce anything to prove his story. Mind if I join your threesome? As I got to the top of my backswing, Paul reached up between my legs from behind, grabbed my junk and yelled SURPRISE”. He immediately puts his hands in his crotch, drops to the ground and rolls around in pain. Here’s my selection of golfing one liners, selection of one liner golf jokes is available here. Look at the size of his putter. “Well” Said Bob, “I’ve been standing on your ball for the last 5 minutes”. Never buy a putter until you’ve seen how well you can throw it. A Golfer walks into the pro shop at the local course and asks the golf pro if they sell ball markers. Carl looks at the old man. “You’re late Bob” say Alan. SO why does the golfer carry two shirts? Caddy: This isn’t the golf course. “FORE” she yells out but to no avail, it strikes one of the men in the group in front. “OK” says the man as he grimaces his lips. 10. Also, make sure to check out our sport and other funny jokes categories. Tiger Woods Mercedes On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his Mercedes into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. It’s a tough shot with a large oak tree sitting between his Ball and the Green. When his caddie then coughed as he steadied himself over a 12-inch putt on the 10th, he lost it. Carl hits it cleanly, but it still catches branches near the top of the tree, rattles around and lands at the base of the tree. Why was the guitar teacher arrested? Fun & Unique Golf Gifts Novelty Balls, Wacky Clubs, Jokes, Gags, Games & More Jokes & Quotes ... Not Dirty: Rules Of Golf #1: Rules Of Golf #2: Rules Of Golf #3: Rules Of Golf … The woman proves to be very talented, and wins on the last hole. Bob is lining up on the 3rd tee, a straight forward 160 yard Par 3. History buffs will love these funny history jokes. After a couple of minutes, she asks the man “how does that feel”. Golfer: This is the worst course I’ve ever played on. That tree was half that size when I was your age”. “You’re telling me” says Bob. Irish golf jokes is sure to score a hole-in-one with the masters of links. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. Missing ball. Lift your head and spread your legs. A: I sure am—every time I hit the ball I scratch my head and wonder where it went. Sexist Jokes Covid-19 Jokes Trump Jokes Dad Jokes . “Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church.” —brockoli117 on Reddit.com. It was a beautiful sunny day on the 1st hole and as I’m lining up to take my shot, I hear a voice booming over the speakers from the clubhouse. John yells out with joy “Bob – I’ve found my ball”. After 18 holes I can barely walk. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? If you want faster laughs, then check out the collection of golf one-liners and shorter funnies . “An eagle flew in and grabbed the squirrel as he was carrying away my ball. 50 Dirty Jokes That Are (Never Appropriate But) Always Funny 1. A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked an … Funny Golf Jokes: If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the course sometime. 4 hours later, the clubhouse golfers to their amazement see the pro hand Paul a $50. Aussie Jokes Brunette Jokes Food Jokes Kiwi Jokes. "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot putt." More jokes about: car, golf, men, money, wife To celebrate their 7th anniversary, a man and his wife spend the weekend at an exclusive golf resort. Q: Are you a scratch player? And why do you think I am lying and cheating anyway” said John. Greens OK? “That round was so poor, I think I’m going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself”, “I doubt that” the caddie replies. Irish Golf Jokes from The Irish Gift House. 8. Carl gets off work early one afternoon so decides to have a quick 9 holes before going home.
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